Rihanna: Venus Pedestal
Steve Martin:
"What I Believe."
I believe in
rainbows and puppy dogs and fairy tales.
And I believe in the
family - Mom and Dad and Grandma.. and Uncle Tom, who waves his penis.
And I believe 8 of
the 10 Commandments.
And I believe in
going to church every Sunday, unless there's a game on.
And I believe that
sex is one of the most beautiful, wholesome and natural things.. that money can
buy.
And I believe it's
derogatory to refer to a woman's breasts as "boobs",
"jugs", "winnebagos" or "golden bozos".. and that
you should only refer to them as "hooters".
And I believe you
should put a woman on a pedestal.. high enough so you can look up her dress.
And I believe in
equality, equality for everyone.. no matter how stupid they are, or how much
better I am than they are.
And, people say I'm
crazy for believing this, but I believe that robots are stealing my luggage.
And I believe I made
a mistake when I bought a 30-story 1-bedroom apartment.
And I believe the
Battle of the Network Stars should be fought with guns.
And I believe that
Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was - an arctic region covered
with ice.
And, lastly, I
believe that of all the evils on this earth, there is nothing worse than the
music you're listening to right now. That's what I believe.